


To My Kim Jongin

by unalteredmemory



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Letter, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 18:05:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12281724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unalteredmemory/pseuds/unalteredmemory
Summary: Jongin receives a letter for his 20th birthday.





	To My Kim Jongin

To my Kim Jongin,

 

Happy 20th Birthday.

 

I didn’t forget your birthday. Not even once. You did forget mine quite a few times (admit it). But I’ll never forget yours. _Not even once_.

 

We weren’t childhood friends to begin with. We didn’t grow up together, although we had pictures back then. I barely had memories of you when we met as kids, but Appa used to tell us a lot of stories about you… about what you’ve achieved in school, how you’re growing up. It made me try harder in school.

 

I was in second year high school when we met as grown-ups. I was still slightly taller than you remember? You were shy on talking to me, but I’d be occasionally gifted with your rare smiles. Did you cry before we leave back then? (I’m sure the three of us did though)

 

We met again during Appa’s funeral.

It wasn’t the best reunion, and I was not expecting to meet a taller, more mature version of you, but the still shy you came to approach me despite the situation. You tried talking, entertaining us just to lift up the mood.

_Thank you_.

If it weren’t for you… for the times you’ve stayed by my side, for the moments you held my trembling hand, for the seconds you wiped away the tears from my eyes, I can't even imagine how broken I could've become if you weren't there in the first place.

For being my strength at one of the saddest and emotionally challenging days of my life, _thank you_. I have no idea what I would’ve done without you. You were younger yet you act like the older one for the two of us. You kept me moving forward. You even exceeded those that my current boyfriend should be doing that time.

 

_You were there for me._

It was more than I could’ve asked for.

 

If soul mates were real, I guess mine would be you.

 

I may have done things back then that I shouldn’t have. I know I shouldn’t be bringing them up anymore, so I won’t.

But… believe me. _My feelings are real._

They might’ve been stupid in the eyes of other people, but they were genuine. I don’t regret anything, except for the fact that I may have brought you over to something that you might regret having done so years after.

If you _did,_ then I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for loving you too much.

 

You were there during my brightest days. You attended my graduation, probably one of the happiest days of my life. Thank you.

 

I wish I hugged you tighter that morning before you left. I’m sorry for crying too much. You must’ve been troubled right? I’m not so good with farewells, you see. I never was.

 

Thank you for all the hugs and kisses, for all the nights you heard me out of my miseries, for all the smiles and memories.

My mind might not remember every single bit. But my heart will. _Always._

 

Thank you, for being my drawing mate, my manga mate, my fangirl/fanboy mate. Thank you for the seconds, minutes, hours, days you spent with me. Thank you for pointing my wrong doings, thank you for complimenting my achievements, thank you for the jokes and the teases.

We may had our fair share of misunderstandings. Can’t even remember how many times we’ve fought over things. Some because of my pride, some because of too much teasing. Some because of _him_.

Whenever I think back, I feel slightly embarrassed about them. Our relationship is definitely ways more than that. But these are some things we just can’t avoid.

Fights will happen, but I wish we could promise to make up after.

Remember I told you before, I hate fighting with you.

I’d end up thinking too much; wondering if you’re still mad, thinking of what should I do to fix things. I’d even end up skipping sleep because of it. It’s just… out of all the people in my life, you’d be the last one I’d risk losing.

 

Thank you for my 18th birthday dance. I never expected for you to remember my request but despite being about 2 months late, you still remembered. Thank you. It was the best dance I’ve ever had in my life. I still hope to get a chance to dance with you someday.

 

Thank you for the recordings. I’m sorry if I’d sometimes think that you wanted to convey something through the lyrics of the song, but I won’t think like that again unless you say so.

 

Thank you for hugging me every time before we leave. I wish it could’ve lasted a bit longer, _every single time_.

 

Remember the portrait you hand drawn for me. You should’ve seen me tear up when I opened it. Well it’s because it made me really happy. The best gift I’ve ever got. Thank you. Thank you for giving up your time just to make it.

 

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. I can’t enumerate all of them, but… I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for all the times I made you sad, or angry. I’m sorry for that one time I slapped you and made you cry. The pain came back ten times on me.

 

Thank you for the goodbye kiss on the cheeks more than a year ago. I immortalized that memory on one of my original works so that I won’t forget anything. I concealed the words along with the plot and made the world know about it. May have been the best one I’ve written.

 

I’d return the favour someday. But… I’m not sure you’d even want me too.

 

If there was really another lifetime, I wish we’d meet not as how we are right now. Perhaps, in some parallel world, my other version could’ve met you in a more normal, less complicated way.

 

Perhaps… there, a happy ending would’ve been possible.

(I’m sorry if this idea troubled you in any way, but I just have to say it.)

 

 

Thank you for being born in this world.

Thank you, because I’ve met you, and I can greet you like this. Perhaps next year I can finally greet you personally.

I was planning to greet you exactly 12 midnight but I was really tired from yesterday’s acads and classes so I ended up falling asleep earlier than planned.

 

If I can’t be the first to greet you, I wish I could’ve been the last.

 

I still have lots to say. This might have been just 1/10th of it, but I’ll leave it as it is. I hope I got the message across.

 

Please remember that I love you. _So much_. I owe you who I am right now.

 

 

Happy Birthday.

 

-Do Kyungsoo

**Author's Note:**

> I just had to write this.


End file.
